Some Quickfire Bafta Thoughts

A classic Claudia Wankleminge red carpet interview with Penelope Cruz. Claudia tells her it might sound weird but she'd really like to sniff her hair to which Penelope replies "that is weird" whilst giving a get the fuck away from me look. A gem.

The fantastic Total Recall is on ITV2 right now. Sharon Stone looks amazing. That's like 20 years ago which is even more amazing. Tonight Sharon looked a right div trying to read the autocue. At least Goldie Hawn got a laugh out of being unable to read it. Shaz should have flashed her growler to distract everyone from her incompetence.

It's always the same with award shows. The films that are up for nomination are not the kind you'd actually want to see. I wouldn't cross the road to see The Reader. Actually I'd be phoning the council to see how they got planning permission to build a cinema across the road from me.

Hey Mick Jagger, you a funny guy. Keep milking that one joke now.

Who the fuck invited Titty Abbmus? And that dress is hideous darling!