Reality Bombshell

Could it be Yoonog the Youthful with the earrings and the baby face, could it be Rachel the Rough who would bite Louis balls off it he tried to vote against her again or could it be shiny-faced hobgoblin Diana Vickers who is told to get tae fuck. No, none of them cos Oh my God, Laura's been voted out on X-Factor. Fuck me. Is the earth still spinning. Has anyone checked. What was she doing in the bottom two. According to Holly Willoughby and the judges it's because the British public are a bunch of thick cunts. Well of course we are, that's why we keep tuning in to this essentially pointless shit. Or maybe it's because she sat at a piano looking all frumpy and not singing particularly well. Although he's one step up from awful the public are going to keep voting for Ginger Daniel because the judges rip the piss out of him all the time and if there's anything that Joe British Public likes it's the underdog. Laura was up against Ruth who was saved by Simon and Louis being transfixed by her jugs both of which threatened to escape during Knocking On Heaven's Door. After agreeing on who'd get which teet to suck on they carted Laura and her enormous heed out the exit door situated stage left. Cheryl floated conspiracy theories about tactical voting and grassy knolls whilst Dannii nipped out for some backstage labiaplasty.

Meanwhile over on Strictly Come the complete lack of personality in the personalities continues to have me reaching for the fast forward button and failing to give a flying fuck about the outcome. Two things still stand out on the show though. John Sargent continues to survive without dancing which is hilarious because it gets on the judges tits and Lisa Snowdon has no chance of winning because she is partnered by Brendan Cole who is one of the biggest cuntbags on UK television.