Big Brother 10

Interesting bunch you might say. Multicultural. Let's do this from left to right:

1. Charlie - a gay Darren Gough
2. Carly - some unemployed Scottish bint who looks too much like Fearne Cotton for her own good.
3. Rodrigo - a well waxed Brazilian. Looks a bit like Bruno. Nice boy though. The type you could take back to your mother. If your mother had a strap on that is.
   
4. Beinazir - lanky, piercings, more jangle than Jimmy Saville.
5. Sophia - was like a startled little animal. The eyes, the nervous hands. Will get a fright every time Beinazir walks behind her.
6. Sree - get the virgin in. Will fall asleep with a hard on every night. No shortage of fluffers standing by either.
7. Angel - Russian boxer. Should just fuck off now and be done with it. Would sleep with the light on if she was around.
8. Kris - made from Russell Brand's smeg.
9. Sophie - massive fake tits, massive fake hair. Will look horrific without make up you mark my words. But you still would.
10. Siavash - Justin Lee Collins meets Rasputin. 23 my fucking arse. Cunt.
11. Noirin - sounds like a headache tablet. Gimme a pack o' ribbed blobs please luv, aw and better chuck ee's a packet o' Noirin as well, ma heeds bangin'. However, once again, you would.
12. Freddie - token posh Tory wank. Will probably be caught having a posh Tory wank in the shower by week five.
13. Lisa - fucking rough looking lesbian. If you watched porn for all your references you would have assumed that Sophie, Carly and Noirin were the lesbians and that they'd have been fucking by now. Anyway this tattooed rug muncher insists she can turn women. Presumably she meant to suicide, drink or drugs.
14. Cairon - sounds like a handwash but in fact is a very poor man's Pharrell in a very cheap t-shirt. Ticked the box of showing plenty pantage.
15. Saffia - get a bra, jiggly tits.
16. Marcus - you can guarantee he smells. Bad. Looked more Onslow than Wolverine in the wifebeater.

So there you have it. Quite a nice bunch really. Can't say I'll be paying it too much attention over the coming weeks. Unless the "real" lesbians get down to it of course.