Weather

It's dark, dank, rainy and it's about to get very chilly.

Time to get out the Damart thermals.

Mmm, figure hugging.

Package for Gimplord

There's only one thing worse than being woken on a dark and stormy morning by the doorbell ringing and realising you have an erection and that's not realising you have an erection until you've opened the door to the postman.

Freak On A Leash

So there's this Goth that got chucked off a bus the other day because he had his fiancee on a collar and lead and the bus company said it would have been dangerous if the bus had to brake suddenly.

Yeah, how long did it take them to come up with that one. I've seen old biddies knitting on the bus with potentially lethal needles and no-one stopped them.

We thought she might take a shit on the bus and they clearly didn't have a pooper scooper would have been more plausible.

The truth is they look a bit fucking freaky and the driver couldn't deal with it.

And he's right. A gimp goes on a collar and lead not your fucking wife-to-be.

Despicable.

Get a tan.

Know Your Limits

Couple of nights ago I was typing up a post about a book based on the Three Little Pigs being dropped from a government agency awards on the grounds that it could be deemed offensive to Muslims and builders.

Three times I tried to post it and three times I lost connection with Blogger. Clearly Gimplord was straying into territories that he shouldn't such as politics, race, class, religion and the powers that be thought,

"Gimplord, what the fuck is this? This is not what you're about. You're way out of your depth. You should be telling us about things like that really awkward button on the fly of your jeans instead. You know, the one that's so near the bottom of the fly that you have to put one hand in your trousers to help do it up from the inside and that if anyone caught you doing it they'd think you were having a jostle. Go on, tell us."

OK then.

I've got these jeans with a button fly and...............

Pump

I was reading that the price of bicycle pumps has gone up.

Well, that's inflation for you.