Bumcloth

Kate Thornton and Kay Burley. Surely the two most irritating women on television. Both have the same condescending interview technique masquerading as a sympathetic ear.

Fortunately Lizard Face Thornton was booted off X Factor and is now reduced to Sky's Hello Goodbye. I've blogged about this before the series started but it deserves another mention. Kate stands at the departure lounge of Heathrow hovering around a family whose 28 year old daughter is about to fuck off to the other side of the world on her own "to ask herself questions". It's obvious she's been dumped by her long term partner but Thornton doesn't go down that route. Instead she tilts her head to the side, her drawn on eyebrows sliding down her face and her gurning smile in full effect and says to the parents - "you're going to miss her aren't you". And the mum cries. Proper tears, not the ones women do when they fan their hands in front of their face like they've got a sweat on. What amazing fucking television. I could ditch Sky Sports, Sky Movies, Sky Multiroom, Sky HD and just pay £65 a month for that. I felt privileged to have invaded their privacy.

Later on Sky News, intrepid reporter Kay Burley travels up to Edinburgh to meet a girl who's a first time buyer and has saved up enough with her partner for a flat. Kay nods patronisingly at the girl whilst she explains her predicament and then they go for a perplexing walk along Portobello beach. For all Kay contributed they might as well have sent a cunt on a stick to do the interview.

This brought back memories of a couple of Kay's recent "celebrity" interviews. After interviewing celebrity stalker Barry George she claimed to have been celebrity stalked by him thereby bracketing herself with one time nation's sweetheart Jill Dando. I think her claims fizzled away.
A couple of weeks back Kay interviewed the man who was Paul Gascoigne. Gazza playfully told his nephews he wasn't drunk, almost insisting that they concur on camera. To be fair, if he wasn't drunk he was certainly fucked up on medication. Kay asked if he'd like to manage England (or was it Newcastle) in the future to which Paul replied a definite yes as long as he got his coaching badges. If Kay was in charge of the FA she'd have sacked Capello on the spot. Any interviewer worth their salt would have pissed themselves laughing at have to stop the cameras.

So there you have it. Kate Thornton and Kay Burley. Two women cut from the same cloth. The kind of cloth I'd wipe my arse on.